Last weekguest blogger for us, Danielle Whitaker wrote a touching article about her military family and their life with PTSD. She discussed the importance of how therapy played a huge part in both her husband’s and her personal life. Most importantly, as a woman she stood up and raised her hand and said “hey, it’s ok but I do need to talk to someone.” She wasn’t ashamed of it. She didn’t hide it. She knew she needed it. So she took care of herself. Ladies, please if you haven’t read that article yet, hit your back arrow and read that article quick and then come back for part 2 because today we’re continuing the conversation with taking care of yourself and having no shame.
Ladies, I know you know the feeling when you tell someone that you’re going to do a workout (at what they consider a ridiculous time) – like I don’t know, in the morning – on a weekend. GASP! How dare you? You get one of two response generally:
- It’s the weekend, you’re supposed to rest. You’ve worked hard enough during the week:
- Duh….. (eye roll proceeds).
- Your body is fine, just be happy with how you are.
Or you’re choosing to eat the salad at dinner instead of the French fries as your side:
- Really? Just eat the fries. They won’t kill you.
- Come on, you already workout. You can have the fries with us.
Or you’re recounting and telling a story about some great personal development that you just listened to:
- You got life all figured out don’t you? Glad you’re so happy….. (in a complete “I don’t mean that” tone).
- No, you see you’re wrong. You can’t ….. because life is ….. and everything in the world is….. (Just fill in any of those blanks with whatever negative context you’ve heard).
Or you’re telling someone about your business that you want to start or MLM you want to join:
- That’s all a bunch of hype anyway. It’s a pyramid scheme and everyone will hate you for asking them to join you.
- Well good luck, I don’t see you being open in 5 years anyway.
- Glad you get to do your dream every day. That’s the only reason why you’re so happy.
- You should be farther along by now. Why aren’t you making more money?
Or how about you tell them you love your church and giving an offering or tithe every week:
- Churches shouldn’t ask for money. That’s not right. That’s why I don’t go.
- I don’t need to go to church to know that I love God. I believe in Him and that’s all I need.
- You should pay off your debt first and not give to the church until you have no debt.
Or when you share that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist because you’re having a hard time managing your own thoughts:
You don’t need a therapist, you’re supposed to be able to talk to me.
Don’t waste your money because… (same negative response).
I really could keep this list going but at this point I’m pretty sure you get the idea. Every SINGLE one of these responses above, I’ve been told directly to my face from someone close to me. And every single time I had to make a choice on my response. In general, I’m not a confrontational person. I actually hate it and am very much the flee-type personality. I will either walk away or completely stop talking if I can’t leave. I also had to make a choice on whether I was going to continue those choices for MYSELF or stop because that person felt defensive most likely because of something about themselves. In this article the word, “they” will constitute in your life as anyone close to you such as your spouse, family member or best friend or in such cases, someone on social media.
I’m 31 years old at this point. And frankly, I’ve only been learning here in the past months or year or so that I need to STOP lowering my vibes in order to make someone else feel better about their own life. So let’s first just cross that last category of people off on our list. Anyone on social media who doesn’t have a direct effect of my choices has no bearing on how I choose to live my life. So as much as it stings when someone says something harsh on social, they don’t know me and even if I make the changes they’re recommending what do they care because they’re not even around me in real life to notice. We may as well take this one step farther, any so called “friends” or family members who may choose to make remarks to you to your face and still have no direct correlation to the choices in my life….Peace out baby.
Now for those who are near and dear and our absolute loved ones say these things to us. While my choices may have a direct connection to their lives and if it is a choice that is making improvement in my life or in my children’s, then we need to STOP feeling bad for doing those things. I’ve been SO guilty of just saying, “fine, I’ll stop doing …..”. Because I thought my choice was not worth the risk of losing that relationship. At some point every SINGLE one of those items above I’ve said I would quit doing/going because of them. Then I sit here today and literally want to smack my own dang self in the forehead for such a foolish thought. Like WHY would I stop doing something to better ME because YOU feel bad about you? Yes, I love you and I don’t want you to be mad but you should want the BEST for me too. And the best for me right now, means me doing this.
So how brave are you? Are you brave enough to take the stance and say YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT? You are worth pushing through those hard conversations and saying that you’re done giving up on things because they don’t like it? You do all those things above to try to be a better version of yourself each day because that’s what God created you to do. If we were just mean to “exist”, we’d all be given logs to sit on and chew on berries all day. No, we were meant to do so much more. So we all need to quit letting those close to us “give us permission” to lead a better life. It may lead to some really hard conversations when you tell them you’re not going to stop. They may feel offended and may even call you names. But girl, know that those conversations were put there to test you. They were put there to test on how strong you are and how big your dream is to YOU. If you stop doing them, you are saying that your dream is NOT big enough, NOT important enough.
Next time girl, remember this:
Don’t be passive aggressive and share this and then tag them to tell them this is how you feel. (This is totally something my non-confrontational self would do so I know what you’re thinking😊). Girl you are WORTH being brave for yourself and your family. But please do share this with your friends and family just as a good uplifting story to tell them that they too are BRAVE.